Hi world. Long time no see.
I wanted to start a blog where I could just throw my thoughts whenever I had them. Kind of like a diary. I noticed that I hadn't really logged into blogger in a long-ass time, and noticed this particular blog was quite blank, so I decided to kind of hop onto this one.
For me, this is a bit about looking like a sheet of paper or a notebook or even a sketchbook that just has a huge blank space, and that is almost terrifying. So I guess I will start at the beginning before I go into things.
My childhood was not ideal. My parents and sibling were very abusive to me and it really shaped the way I look at things. This also gave me victim mentality. The goal of this blog is to kind of track my progress of working my way out of victim mentality.
I have mental disabilities, physical disabilities, and I am emotionally stunted. I just want these to get out there before I start doing the actual work. I want to say them as kind of a ""If you really wanted to know the beginning" or just ""How I thought before I changed.""
One of the main goals is to step into my power.
I have this dream that I have become a very respected Völva. Recently, I had the realization (not quiteby choice) that I have victim mentality. No one had ever told that to me before and someone finally bluntly said it. I wish more people were this honest with me. I would change so many things.
Do note that if you found this blog by some random chance, please comment something. I want to see where you are in this journey as well if you'd like. What I'm wondering is, do I *WANT* you all to offer advice or compliments? I'm not sure how that would affect the journey.
Someone else told me that journeys like the one I'm on come from within. I'm not sure they wanted to say that in the words that they did, but that's the thing I gathered from said story.
"Today"" (it was technically yesterday when I was told these things) I was told two things that made a real impression on me.
When I went to bed the night before, someone had told me I ""wasn't ready"" for something I was interested in doing. I wallowed in that until I went to sleep and I just woke up after sleeping on the whole ""You are not ready and you never will be"" thought process.
I messaged a good friend of mine who told me a story about someone who wanted something so bad but constantly second guessed and doubted. When I realized that that was the way that I had done things as well, it became important to me to change that.
Later in the evening is when I got the message that I have victim mentality, and that if I didn't have that thought process, I would succeed in all the things that I am good at and my dreams would even come true! This sounded too good to be true at first. So I went to the googly and did a bit of research .... At least... that was the start of it.
I am going to start trying to give myself gratitude postings and such as I continue on.
This blog is personal, but if you see something that you can use, please do.
I'm also on a weight loss journey because I am not healthy physically, and I want to live a life that is more enjoyable than the one that I am living now. I want to be able to go on walks without issues, go hiking, get outside more, clean and do chores better, have better hygiene, and just be a better person in some way/shape/form.
I am NOT going to be a victim anymore. I have decided on this day that I will do my best to avoid being a victim. It's going to take a crapload of dedication because I am going to do a lot of work that has been ingrained since I was a child, and yet I can 100% do this.
I am capable.
I can do this.
-v
